That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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