Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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