Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
