all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Randomize
