dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
