We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
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