I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
