the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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