I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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