I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Your penis caused this!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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