Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
