i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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