you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
