yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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