I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I need a beard to bite.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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