so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
