At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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