Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
