You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm bleeding and have questions
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