Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
