does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm at about main and main street
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
