am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
