Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
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Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
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I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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