someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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