The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
