its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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