guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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