my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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