I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Randomize
