No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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