Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
