i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
