two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
