K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
