okay pat passed out under dana's car
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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