i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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