can we get nightvision for the apartment?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just took my morning after pill in the library
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
