You're my little dorito
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
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I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
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I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize