The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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