I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
