How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
