Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
