You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
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I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
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I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
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