Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
