Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
