After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
