the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
