i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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