Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
