I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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