Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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