But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
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Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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