You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
