this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
