Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize