well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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