what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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