she was so not down for the gang bang
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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