Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
