That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
