At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Let's get the cat blown out
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
