Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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