all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
