he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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