Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
