If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
We just shotgunned beers for America
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
