If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
