So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Are we still banned from the library?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
