A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
