Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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