Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
There's always time for handjobs
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
