someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
