Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
