My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
This is the high leading the old right now
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
