Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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