she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Every concussion has its silver lining
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
