her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
