Will you blow on my dice?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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