I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
