I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
