barbara walters just said penis...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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