I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
