im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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