I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
