are you still at the devil's house?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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